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But as usual there was considerable doubt as towho I am.I made the rapid assessment that I was still me, (at least the me Inow defined myself as) and that I'd appeared to have lived through mydisastrous miscarriage.Although I wondered whether I would I even know if I'm actually dead?My life just gets more and more hellish by the moment. I could havebeen roasting away in Hades this whole time, like I had previouslyconsidered.But I knew it wasn't completely true. My life with Kevin was far fromhell. It was the happiest I remember ever being.Right now though, it appeared to be the antithesis, for it feltundoubtedly like the saddest.I had lost my unborn baby; and maybe my uterus too.I couldn't tell. My vagina hurt and I had a strong gnawing pain fromdeep inside my pelvis.I suppose that intense degree of discomfort was a strong indication Iwas alive.I was surprised I had survived. Meg must have got the clots out in thenick of time and I imagine I'd been stabilized enough to rush to. Of course I had started masturbating to compensate. Our marital sex was not what it had been. Around that time, I got my second hint of naughty / nasty behavior. I was still completely oblivious to their meaning, but they were there. One precious night, we just had very pleasurable sex and each had an intense orgasm. It was an sensuous and erotic moment. I ejaculated inside her cunt and laid beside her before pulling out. We wipe ouselves and she says :" Why dont you go in the drawer and bring out your little friend and continue pleasuring me with it ?" I was surprised but of course complied ! We had A LOT of fun. But I never forgot the incident. I should have known that something was amiss.A few years later, my 16 year old ******** told us that she had a new boyfriend, and he was an 18 year old black jamaican. My wife didn't react well at all. I never knew she had such intense racial prejudices. When we were alone, she explained her reasons. "She's too young ! She's a minor ! What.
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